Side View
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: Paige sets out to seduce Mike, only things don't go according to plan. Set after Season 3: Episode 4, "Aha."
1. Chapter 1

**Part I**

This was a really bad idea.

Paige probably should've thought things through a little more before acting on impulse. Paige caught sight of herself in the mirror, suddenly feeling foolish instead of sexy. She was wearing the brunette wig she had worn a few days earlier when she was pretending to be Layla Sarkissian and a green dress that was nearly identical to the the red one that was now a pile of ashes.

Last night, this seemed like a great idea. She had been out shopping, looking for something to wear to her cousin's wedding next month and considered it fate when she found a dress that looked almost exactly like that red dress, only it was green. Same silky, drapey fabric. High slit. Thin straps that did nothing to cover her back, but they held up the dress. So she bought it.

But not for her cousin's wedding.

Because Mike once told her he loved her in green because it brought out her eyes.

Mike still hadn't found a case so his schedule was pretty open unless he was helping someone on a case. So she told him she needed help with something. He hesitated for a few moments, but ultimately agreed.

She booked a nice hotel room and asked him to meet her. She chickened out giving him the location in person. Instead she sent him a series of texts instructing him to meet her, including the room number in the final text.

Paige saw how he looked at her the other night. It had only been for a few seconds, but she saw how Mike watched her. She felt his eyes on her after she turned around to change. She had been so positive of this that she even glanced over her shoulder and found herself disappointed that he wasn't watching her. Then she caught sight of the sideview mirror and knew Mike wouldn't openly leer at her with things so fragile between them. Her suspicions had been confirmed once she realized he was watching her in the mirror.

Instead of letting things move forward naturally, she had to push. Had to take a risk, even if the end result was her being humiliated if he turned her down. She never thought she would see the day when that would happen, but maybe too much had happened between them. Maybe it was time to get everything in the open. They either needed to put whatever had happened between them in the past or see if they could figure things out, because being in limbo was killing both of them.

If Mike turned her down, it could give them both some much needed closure. But she didn't want closure. She didn't want him to turn her down. She wanted him. She wanted him to want her like he used to.

Paige was positive that _this_ would give them a way to be _together_ without having to deal with any of their baggage. But maybe she was wrong. Maybe this was a way for her to be with Mike and not deal with any of her guilt. Just because Mike forgave her and wanted her, didn't mean that he wanted to be with her. She had been attracted to him the moment they met, but hadn't allowed herself to give in until after he left Graceland and came back.

Paige held her breath as Mike moved closer to her. Afraid to break the spell of whatever was happening between them, she froze.

Mike ran his fingers through Paige's dark tresses, the strands feeling like straw when compared to her silky hair. He understood what Paige was offering him. An escape from reality. A chance for them to be someone else. To not have to deal with all of their issues. Just for a night. And he wanted to take her up on it. God, he wanted nothing more than to take her up on it. Rip that dress off her like he wanted to do the other night when he saw how gorgeous she looked. Wrap his arms around her and forget everything that was going on in the world but her.

But he couldn't.

"No," Mike sadly whispered, dropping his hand from her hair.

Paige hardened her gaze and stepped back from him. "Okay, I just - just forget about this." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and pasted a smile on her face.

Just seconds before, Paige's face had been completely open. Vulnerable. Now it was if she was wearing a mask. That was why he couldn't do this.

Mike grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her back to him. He pulled off the wig and set it down on the chair beside him. He gently ran his fingers through her golden hair, smiling at the memory of all the times he had done this. Absentmindedly when they were huddled up in her room watching a movie on her laptop. Late nights when they were tangled up in each other. Playfully when they were on the beach and managed to sneak away from the rest of the house. Early mornings when she was sleeping peacefully in his arms. "That's just it," Mike murmured as tenderly stroked her cheek. "I don't want to forget."

Paige was giving him an out, but he didn't want to take it. He didn't want to pretend that they were different people or different versions of themselves. He wanted _her_. He forgave her. He loved her. He didn't want to be Larry and Layla or some other nameless couple. They were Mike and Paige. No matter how much things changed between them. No matter how many lies they told or how much they hurt each other, they would always be Mike and Paige.

"I want _you_ , Paige. I always want you."

The moment he saw her in that red dress he had to busy himself with his gun otherwise he wasn't sure what he would do. She was drop dead gorgeous, the embodiment of all his desires, but she wasn't his anymore. He forced himself to look away so he wouldn't get distracted. Instead he was left with stolen glances of her changing in his sideview mirror, reminding him of the first night they slept together when he could see her bare back. But unlike their first night together, that night wasn't an invitation into her bedroom. Instead, it left him lost in a sea of bittersweet memories instead of exploring every inch of her body.

But here she was, offering them a way to be together and he would be insane to turn her down. He would be insane to say yes.

"I'm not sure - I don't..." Paige's voice trailed off and she placed her hand over his. "I want you. Even when I shouldn't, even after everything, I always want you. But this, this is all we can be."

"Don't say that." Mike took their joined hands and brought them to his lips, gently pressing his lips against her hand. "If we really try, we can be everything."

For the first time in weeks, his next oxy pill was the furthest thing from his mind. All he could think about was Paige and how he craved _her_ , not some stupid pill that made him numb. Paige was just as dangerous as any drug, but there was one difference between her and oxy, she made him feel alive and he desperately needed to feel alive after feeling so alone.

"What if I can't?" Paige tearfully asked. "What if I can't try? I want to, you have no idea how much I want to. But, Mike, I can't. I just can't."

Mike sighed, positive he would never be able to understand the reasons for half of the things she did or her convoluted way of thinking when it came to her heart. But that didn't stop him from wanting to try. Every brain cell he had was telling him to walk away from her and not look back, but he couldn't. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Don't - don't do this." Paige pulled away, creating some physical distance between them. "I'm going to go. You can go or stay if you want. The room's paid for. Checkout time is at 11."

He could feel her walls going up. Paige was done talking about this. She wanted to seal this night up in a box and forget it ever happened and normally, he would let her. But, she approached him and she wasn't leaving until they had the conversation they had been avoiding for weeks.

Mike reached for her wrist and pulled her back to him. "I forgave you and you ignored me. I tried ignoring you and it only made it worse. I don't want us to be together if it's some escape from reality. I love you!"

"You can't love me. After everything I've done, I - "

Mike cut Paige off with a kiss, insistently moving his lips against hers. He poured everything he was feeling into that kiss. All the things he was afraid to say. All the things she didn't want to hear. He loved her. He needed her to know. To hear the words. Feel how he felt.

Paige angrily pushed him away. "Why are you doing this?"

"You called me."

"To fuck, not reconcile."

"Is that all you want?" Mike asked. "Tell me you don't want me. Tell me you don't want more than just one night, because I do."

"How can you want me after what I did?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I forgive you? I want to move past that night, past this summer. I want us to start over."

Paige laughed bitterly at his words. It sounded so simple. Starting over. But what the hell did that mean? They couldn't start over. Too much had happened between them to ever go back to a time when things were simple betwen them.

Unbroken.

They could never be that version of themselves again.

"You don't get it, do you?" Paige asked. "I _can't_ be with you. I hate myself for what I did and even though you forgive me, I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself. I feel dead inside." Paige waited a few seconds for her words to sink in before continuing. "You don't know how I feel. You don't know what it's like to stare at myself in the mirror everyday and hate what I see. Hate who I've become." How could Mike want to be with her if she hated herself? Couldn't he see that she wasn't the same girl he fell for?

"You hate yourself? Imagine how I feel? I failed you! I failed those girls. I promised you I would get Lina out and she died! She died in my arms, I failed you both. You're the one that saved them. You! _You_ got them out of there, not me. I couldn't catch Sid. Even if I wanted to go back to DC, I tanked my career. I can't stop thinking about these birds and how there has to be a connection, some sort of meaning. If one of us is a failure, it's me, not you."

"Mike..."

"You want to talk about feeling dead inside? I feel so empty and alone. Nothing feels the same anymore. The only time I feel anything is when I'm with you. I love you. I'm in love with you."

"Stop it! Stop saying that!" Paige angrily pushed him, trying to get him to stop talking. She squeezed her eyes shut, desperately hoping that would somehow stop his words.

"No. I'm done not telling you how I feel. I tried keeping it to myself and that didn't work out. You're going to have to deal with it. Ignore it. But you can't pretend that I don't love you. The days of me not saying those words are over."

Furious, Paige shook her head. "I'm not doing this, This was a mistake." Paige grabbed her things and started heading towards the door.

"Go ahead, Paige. Run away, like you always do! Run away from me. From us. Maybe you don't love me, but don't you dare pretend that I don't love you!" Mike shouted.

Paige turned to look at him, the anguish written on her tearstained face. "I can't be who you want me to be. I'm not sure I ever was."

"I never wanted you to be anyone. I wanted _you_!" Why couldn't Paige understand that?

"I can't do this."

Mike clenched his jaw, not sure he could watch her leave. He walked across the room to stare out the window and closed his eyes when he heard the door click. He lowered his head slightly and rested it against the window when he heard it close behind her.

He wasn't sure she would do it. But of course she did. Paige had always been stronger than him. She did the one thing he could never do.

Walk away.

* * *

 **check my bio page for updates**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: As always, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think. I'm hoping to have another story around Valentine's Day.**

* * *

 **Part II**

At some point, Mike would need to move on from Paige, but he wasn't ready. Even after everything they had been through and everything she said, he wasn't ready to let her go. He would follow her to the depths of hell, again and again, because he loved her that much.

Even if she didn't love him.

Mike lightly rested his hand over his stomach and took a few deep breaths as he closed his eyes, wondering if he needed another pill. He took one before he left to meet Paige. He shouldn't need another one right now. He had nine pills left. More than enough to get through the next few days, then he would need to figure out a way to get more. But he didn't need to worry about that now.

Mike froze when he felt Paige's arms wrap around him from behind. He desperately wanted to place his hands over hers or turn around to make sure she was real, but he was afraid of startling her or finding out his mind was playing tricks on him.

"If you think I don't love you, you're wrong," Paige whispered.

She gently pressed her lips against his neck and he sighed, daring to rest his hands over hers. He breathed sigh of relief as his hand made contact with hers.

"I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to stop hurting you. I don't know how to stop hurting."

Mike's heart broke at her words. He wished he had the words to make Paige stop hurting. His forgiveness only seemed to torment her instead of bringing her peace. Mike turned around and tenderly stroked her face, smiling softly when she leaned into his touch. "I don't hurt when I'm with you," Mike quietly said, knowing that was probably the only thing he could say that wouldn't cause her more pain.

"I can't promise tomorrow."

"Let me love you. At least for tonight, just let me love you." Mike trailed kisses along her neck, gently sucking her pulse point as he tangled his fingers in her hair. Every second she spent in his arms, he could feel her giving in to her heart. Mike kissed her slowly and sweetly, as he ran his fingers down the smooth skin of her back. "Just for tonight." if they didn't have tomorrow, he needed tonight to say goodbye.

Paige nodded slightly as she wrapped her arms around him. "Just for tonight."

* * *

Mike held Paige's hand as he walked her to her car the next morning. As much as he wanted to keep her in that hotel room forever and pretend they were the last two people left on Earth, he couldn't.

Last night wasn't just about sex.

What he cherished most was just being near her. Being able to hold her. Reaching out and knowing she was beside him. Talking for hours about everything and nothing, even though they were both careful to avoid talking about _them_. Ordering room service at 4am, just because. Laughing at some ridiculous movie. Falling asleep in each other's arms as the sun came up.

It was if they were trying to cram as many good memories into last night as possible.

"This is me," Paige said, motioning to her car as if he didn't know it was hers.

He leaned forward to kiss her, frowning when she shied away from him and his lips landed on her cheek. "Don't," Mike murmured against her skin. "Don't do this. If last night was a one time thing and this is the last time you'll let me kiss you, don't pull away."

Paige didn't even try to hide the fact that she was crying, being this close to Mike was the sweetest kind of torture. She nodded and his lips met hers in a tender kiss. Everything she wanted was within reach, but she was too messed up to be with him. Mike deserved to be happy. He deserved to find some nice girl that could love him like he needed to be loved. Not someone jaded or broken like her. Someone good.

Paige moaned softly as Mike deepened their kiss, it would be so easy to give into him, but she couldn't. She had to stop hurting him. It was for the best. They finally got some closure and now they could start moving forward with their lives.

Mike pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against hers. Paige placed her hand on his chest, desperately trying to create some distance between them without pushing him away.

"We can do this on your terms," Mike pleaded, going back on his promise to not push for more. "We can tell everyone. Tell no one. Figure things out. Take things slow, get married tomorrow if that's what you want. I'm not giving up on you."

"You should. I don't deserve you. I'm a mess. You deserve someone better than me."

Mike framed her face in his hands, "When are you going to get it? I don't want anyone but you."

"Mike, I can't. Stop. I can't keep doing this. You want me to stop hurting? Let me walk away."

Resigned to his fate, Mike lowered his head and sadly smiled, "Okay, I'll see you at home."

"I'm sorry. I - "

"What happened last night was incredible, but you were honest with me. Don't apologize."

* * *

Graceland was eerily quiet as they made their way inside. They drove home separately and Mike followed her inside, but true to his word, he kept his distance despite that being the last thing that he wanted.

They headed upstairs silently, each retreating to their separate rooms. Mike collapsed on his bed, staring up at the ceiling trying to figure out how after everything that happened last night, he was alone.

Again.

He loved Paige with everything he had, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could love her and not be with her. He felt so utterly alone. And the one person he needed more than anyone else in the world, couldn't allow herself to love him. It wasn't up to Paige to fix him. She didn't owe him anything. He knew that. But he was so painfully and hopelessly in love with her. He was pathetic. Desperate for scraps of her affection. She wasn't trying to be cruel. She was as messed up as he was. She never pretended to offer more than she could give, but like a fool, he believed he could love them enough for the both of them. That with time, Paige would let her guard down and let him in.

Only she hadn't.

Paige set a boundary and he pushed and pushed until she let him cross it, but he wasn't happy with the outcome and now he was left with the cold harsh trust. She loved him, but not enough to actually be with him.

Mike sat up slowly, grimacing from pain. He had taken one pill earlier this morning and shouldn't need another one, but he shouldn't be in pain either. He was supposed to meet up with a case agent later about potential cases. If anyone suspected he wasn't fit for active duty, he would have to go back to the bureau doctor and telling him that everything was peachy wouldn't cut it this time. Holding his side, he made his way to the bathroom and quickly downed a pill, not even bothering to wash it down with a glass of water.

He splashed his face with water and glanced at the clock as he walked back in his room. He had hours before his meeting.

"Ask me to breakfast," Paige quietly said from the doorway.

"Breakfast?" How could she just come in here and demand that he take her out to breakfast and pretend like last night never happened? Last night meant something to him. He thought it meant something to her too.

Paige took a few steps in his room before shutting the door behind her. Her eyes nervously darted to his as she approached him. "I'm done running." From him. From her heart.

"Don't do this because you think this is what I want. Or because you think you owe me. If you want this - "

"What I said last night, I meant every word. I love you, but I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to fix things between us. I don't even know if I can fix myself. But if you meant half of what you said to me - "

Mike cut her off with a kiss, "I do, you know I do. I don't know what made you change your mind, but promise me you're really going to try or walk out that door. I can't keep doing this back and forth. Either be with me or let me go, because I can't let you go."

"I'm tired of running, Mike. If you want me..." her voice trailed off and she laughed when she caught the incredulous look on his face. "Just ask me to breakfast."

"Charlie went shopping yesterday, the fridge is stocked. I'll make something."

Paige pressed her fingers against his lips as he moved into kiss her. "I don't want any confusion later on. If we're really starting over, we should have an official first date."

A smile filled Mike's face as her words sank in, "Let's start with breakfast."

* * *

After having their fill of waffles, they found themselves back at Graceland. Surprisingly the house was still empty and instead of retreating upstairs, they were curled up together on the couch. She was done keeping what she had with Mike behind closed doors.

"Do you have to go in today? Can you cancel your meeting?" She usually wasn't this needy, but after spending so much time keeping her distance from Mike she didn't want to be away from him for even a second. Her schedule was completely clear today and she just wanted to be with him. "We can go for a walk on the beach. Lay out in the sun."

"I moved it twice already. I have to go in. I have to leave in a little while."

Paige gently pressed her lips to his neck, relaxing as he ran his fingers through her hair. She inched closer to him and rested her head on his chest. Paige slid her hand along his chest, being careful to avoid his still healing scars. He tried to hide it, but she could tell he was experiencing flashes of pain. "You're okay, though?" Paige quietly asked, worried that they were moving too fast. They should be taking things slowly, because he was still recovering.

"I'm okay. You're all I need."

"You're sure about all this? About me?"

"I don't care what anyone says."

"Briggs knows what I did. He wanted me out of Graceland. When I was leaving, he practically offered to pack my bags."

"He's probably jealous that I forgave you and Charlie can't forgive him for what he did."

"But - "

"The only opinion that matters is ours. I don't care what other people say or think." Mike trailed his fingers along her arm before resting his hand on her hip. "This is between us."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Paige whispered through tears.

Mike held her close, kissing her forehead as she calmed down. "I know you are."

"I should tell everyone, I don't want them finding out, but they should know."

"Whatever you decide is up to you, I'll support you no matter what. Everyone in this house has secrets. All of us have made bad decisions, no one gets to judge you for yours."

Paige nodded slowly, "If everyone finds out, I want them to find out from me, not Briggs. I don't want my secrets tearing this house apart. I don't want secrets tearing _us_ apart."

Secrets and lies tore them apart last time. He wouldn't let that happen this time. If he and Paige were truly starting over, he needed her to know the truth. "I'm still taking oxy," Mike confessed.

Paige looked at him curiously. "You got another prescription?"

"Not exactly."

"Mike," Paige warned. "What do you mean, not exactly?"

"I got more pills, okay? It's not like I'm an addict or anything. I take them when the pain flares up. I had to get back in the field and the bureau doctor wouldn't clear me if I got another prescription."

Paige silently counted to ten to stop herself from exploding. She didn't want to know how Mike got more pills. It was probably better if she didn't know. What she needed to do was think carefully about what she wanted to say. Mike repeatedly told her how alone he had been feeling, which meant there was a good chance she was the first person he told about this. They were barely back together and were too fragile to handle a big fight and she couldn't risk pushing him away if he needed help. "How many?"

"How many pills do I have? Or how many times - "

"Both."

"One time," Mike carefully said. That was true.

"And?" Paige gently prompted.

Mike hesitated a few seconds before answering, as if he was counting how many pills he had left. As if he didn't know exactly how many pills he had and exactly where each pill was safely tucked away. "I have three pills." Also true. He had three pills. Plus four more. Just in case. Besides, he wasn't lying. It was just a little white lie. What Paige didn't know, wouldn't hurt her.

"I want them. You need one, you ask me for one."

"Paige, come on. Don't do this, don't treat me like some junkie. You know me." This was exactly why he didn't want to tell her. He knew she would overreact and take his pills.

Paige framed his face in her hands and lightly kissed him, lingering for a few seconds after pulling away. "I do, I do know you. You say you're not a junkie, prove it. Keep one and give me the other two and I'll give you another when you ask. If you need more, I'll take you to the bureau doctor."

"Yeah, fine, whatever." Mike shrugged. "They're upstairs. I'll get them later."

Paige touched his chin, forcing him to look at her, "Mike, I'm serious. If we're doing this, no secrets. We tried that before and it didn't work. We have to be honest with each other."

"Okay."

"Don't say that if you don't mean it."

"Okay, I mean it." Mike took a deep breath and released it slowly, smiling as she leaned into him. Each moment they spent in each other's arms was slowly putting him back together. But the white lie he told moments ago was already threatening to come between them and it hadn't even been five minutes. "Seven. I have seven pills."

Paige met his gaze and nodded, "I'm only going to ask you this one more time. How many pills do you have?"

"Seven. Promise." Mike held her gaze as she searched his eyes, trying to see if he was being honest. He hated seeing that look in her eyes again. Hated seeing her doubt him. If he had his way, that would be the last time she ever looked at him like that. "No more secrets, okay?"

"Be sure, Mike. You have to be sure."

"You are the one thing I've always been sure about."

THE END


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